That Was The Week That Was

MONDAY
If you ran a company and had a member of staff who had a record of using colleagues' faces as ashtrays/punching bags and was currently in prison for assaulting people in the street, you might think that paying this person over £60,000 was a little bit daft. If you have any sense, you might think that just getting rid of him would be the best way to deal with him. Luckily for Joey Barton, Kevin Keegan and Newcastle United have demonstrated on several occasions that common sense is not one of their strong points.

Indeed, Keegan, who been giving Barton second chances ever since the young substitute lost his Man City shirt during the game that should have been his debut, and offered this in defence of him today: "The world is littered with people that have been given a second chance and taken it with both hands." Never mind how many chances Barton has spurned already, should Kev really be telling him to use both hands? He gets in trouble when he uses just one of them.

The day's other big news is that Liverpool have spent £19m on Robbie Keane. They've also paid some money into a charity run by Tottenham Hotspur as a way to say: "Sorry if we were a bit naughty, please don't tell the Premier League/FA/teacher on us. We'll be your best friends!" Luckily, Spurs are the generous type (just ask Martin Jol) and have graciously accepted this. It seems that Liverpool may have got off lightly too, Manchester United have been told that if they want Dimitar Berbatov, they have to give Daniel Levy the moon.