Sexy Time

Looking at one of the 'ladyboys of the night', it seems hard to understand how poor Ronaldo could possibly have mistaken him for a her, particularly given how attractive most of the AC Milan striker's female companions tend to be. But of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder (how could could you explain the popularity of the chubby Brazilian star with the ladies?) and the results of a couple of recent surveys only go to prove that beyond any doubt. Let me explain.

Users of motoring website NEWCARNET.co.uk were asked to pick celebrities to endorse road safety on the 25th anniversary of it becoming the law in the UK to wear a seatbelt. The likes of Kevin Keegan and Sir Jimmy Savile have done the job in the past, along with the famous slogan 'clunk click, every trip'. The most popular choice, with 28 per cent of the vote, was Page 3 girl Keeley Hazell, but just 3 per cent behind her was Steven Gerrard, the only footballer to feature in the top ten.

The reasons for Hazell's popularity are pretty obvious (they're in The Sun pretty much every day), but how did Stevie G beat Lewis Hamilton and Noel Edmonds (who got 2 per cent, bizarrely)? Could it be for his dazzling good looks? Or maybe his cutglass English accent? Whatever, we'll just have to wait and see if the voters get their man, and we can only speculate about what his wife Alex Curran would make of seeing him working alongside Miss Hazell.

Joe Cole once allegedly left a party - through an open window - at Hazell's house covered in bare-chested and covered in blood after someone took objection to finding him asleep on her sofa at 5am.